It Was My Secret

It was my secret. God alone knew that my thoughts had become increasingly dark. He was the only one who knew that I thought about this one friend of mine often. She had lost her husband and it was absolutely devastating. I’d think about her and then think about what it would do to me, to our kids, if we ever lost him. It was almost a year of thinking about becoming a widow. And I secretly wondered if this was God trying to prepare me for what was to come.

You have to understand, there was a time in my life when I didn’t think people would die. I was an optimist through and through. I believed my dad was going to make it out of that hospital. I didn’t think my dad would die at 45 or that my mom would be widowed at such a young age. And now, it was all coming back to me. The unbelievable sadness that death had brought. The fear of losing RK was secretly consuming me.

Then God did something about it. He had my friend message me. The friend I’d thought of so often. We haven’t been in touch in years. She didn’t know anything about our situation but she’d had a dream– a very vivid dream. And realizing it was from God, messaged me. I knew the interpretation almost immediately.

I felt like God was saying, “You think you’re on the same path your friend is on but you’re going in another direction and RK is going to be with you. He’s not going to die now. You and RK and your children are going to be together on a beautiful path of my making.”

And once again I’m just blown away by the goodness of our God. Only he could orchestrate something so beautiful. That he’d use my courageous friend–someone whose story had become part of my worst fears, someone who’d walked through one of the hardest things in this life– to encourage and comfort me. Only Jesus.